Dealing with Grief After Miscarriage

You never move on from grief after a miscarriage. Let’s straighten that myth out once and for all. Moving on when you’ve lost a loved one just doesn’t happen. You move forward.

Grief after miscarriage is something I have experienced before. My husband and I have had eight angel babies, each of them unique, beautiful and much loved. We have not moved on from the grief of losing them, nor will we.

This is a difficult subject to talk about, but one I know many parents have also been through. I will do my best to help share some of my experiences during those times and how they have helped me move forward to where I am today.

You Never Move on From Grief After Miscarriage

The truth is, humanity as a whole, don’t deal well with grief. We should though, because none of us are immortal. Yet, when someone we know is facing the death of a loved one, we struggle to know what to say or do. We want to make things better, referring to the miscarriage as ‘Gods will’ and that the baby has gone to a better place. Or reminding the Mum that she can ‘always have another one.’ However, platitudes like this don’t help and can actually make her feel worse.

Coping with Grief After Miscarriage

Like with any death, you go through a lot of intense and painful moments when a miscarriage occurs. The loss is unexplainable to those who have carried to full-term but believe me when I say, it is absolutely terrible.

I’ve made a list of some of the things you can do which help manage the grief you feel and it’s worth sharing this list with your close family and friends:

  • Acknowledge that the grief and other feelings you have are real
  • Seek support from others – there are many wonderful bereavement groups
  • Be with others, even if all you do is sit together
  • Keep yourself a journal
  • Honour your baby with a special ceremony, tree planting or memorial

There are two special charities I would like to mention: Baby Loss NZ and Angel Casts. Baby Loss NZ offers special care bags or packs for grieving parents, as well as making casts. These packs contain a baby ink range to capture little hands and feet forever. Angel Casts take casts of little hands and feet for parents to keep also.

If you are experiencing a miscarriage, please seek help from someone you trust. Much love, Tracy xx

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